After a bunch of time in Europe, I'm considering to move there for the foreseeable future as it seems like a place where life happens more obviously for me.

Back in Canada to do administrative things, I must confront choices about detaching: I'm comforted by the supports and amenities available to me in my family home, but I sense the city's culture makes me cynical and frustrated over the long-term. I try to avoid ranting about Toronto, but, as an example: it disturbs me that so many here aspire to buy the same SUV and custom home design with street names written on the house. Happy to know people here across the political spectrum who break out of this trend toward "sameness".

I might also end up on a longer than expected break from my capoeira group and movement training to sort myself out, which brings me to the arena of self-practice. Recent attempts to train kicks and handstands in the company of a chair have made me realize how much I've relied on group trainings to avoid conscious organizing and development—a sort of autopilot. Even though music instilled in me an understanding of how advantageous it is to practice between lessons, I chose to skip that with movement earlier this year to focus on projects and just keep my body active with the group. Starting again has clarified a couple of broader reflections:

1. Individual practice without the intensity of group training may seem less "intense" or "focused" as you find your way, but it also takes extra energy to self-organize and adapt to make sessions possible in environments that are fluctuating, noisy, less private, not purpose-built, or adverse for other reasons.
2. Physical training, daily routines, and food choices can be spaces to practice building your path based on having a memory of what you did, which is a reflex in musical composition and improvisation.
3. Body connection is our desired "magnificent integration of all the things", with electricity built-in.
4. The cost of being sedentary for long periods is often invisible, and forces bringing us there fuel this silent decay.

The administrative puzzle means I will be looking for work over the next year, partly to support myself, partly to prove in visa applications that I am worthy of existing in a new place. Although I've been focused on my own projects since 2020, I feel a hunger to be in service of those in my community; my capacity to encircle problems by creating friendly technical solutions, combined with my bent for communications, can meaningfully help an absurd number of people. Someone recently asked me how I ended up on my path, and it reminded me that both projects floating me financially for a decade were oriented towards serving: AudioScrub gave musicians new repertoire and skills; note the sound freed up venue owners to spend time on their business while their event promotion was handled well. I had fun making some square business cards for people who already know me as a way to share how I can help; only showing it in person 🙂.