I never expected to get hurt from a project as benign as Strolling. I had maybe a few complicated experiences with guests, but (without getting too specific) recently felt dumbfounded by an order of magnitude to be treated with such vicious contempt.

As might be natural when sitting with an emotional wound, I initially coped by trying to figure out what I "could have, should have, would have" done differently, which doesn't exist.

After some time to process, it eventually became clear that as hard and unfair as it felt to be treated this way, it's not something to necessarily regret or prevent in this context, as my project has a lot to do with me being open-hearted: if I wanted to know that I'll feel good in the end or every time, I wouldn't leave myself open to whatever happens. So it's more important that I know how to handle myself when these situations arise.

Rules and boundaries are often established over time in response to painful events, probably for good reason, yet I would prefer to avoid interacting with people through a big preface or contract that catalogues everything prior that went wrong or was misunderstood; this can read like "terms of service", something that you can point to in order to feel justified in convicting the other. Perhaps it comforts those who use these formalities in a social setting, but for me it changes the colour of our interaction to one that feels more like a business arrangement than a living conversation.

I prefer to stay open, even if it stings sometimes. My approach in this case was not that different from any other guest I recorded with, and I actually wouldn't change anything anyway. Maybe I just have a thicker skin now?