[People avoid awareness by creating structures and discipline—something that takes care of you whether you are aware or not.]
[People avoid awareness by creating structures and discipline—something that takes care of you whether you are aware or not.]
[Only what happens to you is real. Avoid borrowed knowledge.]
[Knowledge, like a drug, gives you a hallucination of knowing.]
[Logic has never led anyone to truth.]
[People are scared of meditation because it is a death of the self through non-being.]
[Nothingness exists without support or creator.]
[Seek and you will not find, because seeking strengthens the ego.]
The moment you are like a hollow bamboo, the divine lips are on you, the hollow bamboo becomes a flute, and the song starts.
[Indifference is key: the same energy that becomes doubt can become trust; through indifference, you no longer pay attention to or cooperate.]
[A child who holds their father's hand neither trusts not doubts: they are undivided, not missing anything.]
[More like an experiencing than an experience: a process that begins but doesn't end.]
[Words are so dead that they cannot represent anything alive. When you really feel something, it becomes impossible to express verbally.]
[Emotionally immature people can push humor on others as opposed engaging in it to strengthen bonds.]
[Too much sarcasm can mean a closed person who fears connection.]
[Parents may be able to relax and tolerate more openness when they sense you seem strong and no longer need to win their attention or approval.]
[It's like they have a phobia of snakes and your openness and emotional connectivity are a bucket of slithery snakes.]
[Settle into a detached observational state by counting your breaths slowly, or tensing and relaxing your muscles in sequence.]
[Instead of associating them with a binary state, observe as a scientist: what words describe their facial expression? what is their body language communicating? does their voice sound calm or tense? how do they respond when you try to relate? what do you feel?]
[Getting emotional is a sign that your healing fantasy has been activated. The feeling of distress and weakness is a signal to shift into observation mode: repeat to yourself 'detach, detach, detach' and try to find the exact words to describe the experience, which can be what they're doing or how you're feeling.]
[Relatedness has no objective of a satisfying emotional exchange.]
[Internalizers don't act out their emotions immediately and instead let them foster and intensify.]
[The idea that one day they will change is a healing fantasy, created by a child's mind and not adapted to adult reality.]
[The child of emotionally immature parent creates a role-self that transforms into what the parent wants them to be.]
[The role-self has no energy of its own and needs to steal from true self. It is insecure because it's made-up and afraid of being revealed as an imposter.]
[Healing fantasy of people being there for me. Role-self of being available.]
[Anger is a normal response to abandonment, and we can experience it even when feeling unseen or unheard.]
[Enmeshment is different from emotional intimacy. The former implies fulfilling roles that re-inforce dependency whereas the latter implies building trust through getting to know each other and mutual acceptance.]
[Parental rejection can result in the child lacking confidence that others can be interested in them. Instead of asking for what they want, they avoid interacting out kf fear to burden someone else.]
[The need and desire for deep connection is not merely human, but genetic, coming from evolutionary imperative to be part of the group for survival.]
[Dismissively saying that one didn't mean it is a way to egocentrically focus on the intention as opposed to the negative impact of bad actions.]
[Not knowing who you are or being given space to explore it is like having puzzle pieces that don't fit together, which results in inconsistency.]
[Inconsistency can maladaptively bond the parent and child because the once in a while there is a reward.]
[With a mature parent, the child simply goes to the parent for affectionate connection. If the parent is afraid of deep connection, the child might feel uneasy or shameful.]
[Emotional intimacy exists when the other person seeks to know you moreso than to judge you.]
[Community growth isn't about management but developing leaders.]
[If one of your hand-raisers isn't ready to lead yet, let them do something small in scope to help build reflexes and experience.]
[Map out leaders' journeys from development to growth so that you can supercharge their activities: prepare to give them the right support at the right moment.]
[Anticipate their difficulties: offer training if they have fears about first-time hosting; provide templates if they're worried it takes long to make presentations; organize resources in one place if they spend time looking for supporting documents.]
[Reach out to organizers to ask where the road bumps are.]
[Create together. Build together.]
[Give people tools to create their own badges and self-expression.]
[Avoid meticulously specifying everything. Help along rituals that emerge. Help everyone reflect on what they accomplished.]
[Instead of pushing out, pull in: work with your members to collectively send an authentic signal about what your community is about.]
[Tell an origin story that describes your personal journey (self), the collective journey (us), and what people can do to get involved (now) plus 'why now?'.]
[Communicate your origin story wherever possible, online and offline, to inspire people to action.]
[Nudge members into inviting others by communicating how their involvement is important to the community's success. Make it easy for them by giving them the shareable assets. How can we make it easier for them to do it on their own terms?]
[The leader of Downtown Girls Basketball takes a cool team photo at half-time, including even the new people and those who need to leave early, and offers to send it to anyone interested. Nearly everyone wanted it and many posted it to their social media.]
[Wield your spotlight by seeking stories from exceptional members and then sharing them widely to inspire others to join the fun.]
[Carve out ways for other people to share their perspective, contribute, participate. Do it together.]
[We decided to use a Facebook group over a page because then old, new and potential customers could talk to each other.]
[Structure is not enough, you need to actively prompt or provoke dialogue.]
[Create affordances for different levels of expertise: analog people, quick learners who are less technical, power users, programmers.]
[Including an additional, more advanced toolset that is beyond the capacity of most users can help cultivate a community of more complex customizations enabled by local developers and programmers.]
[Enable users with varying skill levels to collaborate as a way to completely express more complex ideas.]
[Spreadsheets integrate text and graphics by organizing textual programs or formulas into the tabular grid of visual cells.]
[Spreadsheets pre-name variables according to their position on the grid.]
[End-user programming languages are more motivating to learn when they are task-oriented: instead of making available only smaller primitives, provide higher-level abstractions that actually do the complete job.]
[Spreadsheet arithmetic is approachable not because most people know how to add and subtract, but because that's what accountants and business people do]
[Go beyond 'easy to use' and prioritize early success within a few hours of use to increase motivation.]
[Avoid 'having to know everything to do anything']
[Spreadsheets obviate the need for control structures or variable names.]