[It's like they have a phobia of snakes and your openness and emotional connectivity are a bucket of slithery snakes.]
[Settle into a detached observational state by counting your breaths slowly, or tensing and relaxing your muscles in sequence.]
[Instead of associating them with a binary state, observe as a scientist: what words describe their facial expression? what is their body language communicating? does their voice sound calm or tense? how do they respond when you try to relate? what do you feel?]
[Getting emotional is a sign that your healing fantasy has been activated. The feeling of distress and weakness is a signal to shift into observation mode: repeat to yourself 'detach, detach, detach' and try to find the exact words to describe the experience, which can be what they're doing or how you're feeling.]
[Relatedness has no objective of a satisfying emotional exchange.]