[Anger is a normal response to abandonment, and we can experience it even when feeling unseen or unheard.]
[Enmeshment is different from emotional intimacy. The former implies fulfilling roles that re-inforce dependency whereas the latter implies building trust through getting to know each other and mutual acceptance.]
The Art of Productive Disagreement
[Being civil, skirting around difficult topics isn't enough.]
[Disagreement is rarely about facts, but about values.]
[Seeing what happens, making a prediction and then wait, implies there's nothing to argue about. Everyone learns something. It's a way of creating rituals.]
[Celebrate cognitive dissonance from being wrong because it's a sign of learning.]
[In new spaces, ask what is nobody allowed to talk about. The closer it is to the surface, the more taboo it might be.]
[Put the facts aside: what does each party want? what do they think is going to happen? How much is it going to change the future? Let's check back in a month, no rush to solve this, we'll still be friends, it's about our relationship.]
[Biases are functional and everyone needs them to survive.]
