For my thirty-seventh year, I wanted to write a shorter annual reflection, so here are some important layers since last year, followed by something I'm currently sitting with that feels profound to me.

---

1. affirming experiences, celebrating myself, from scrolling to strolling.

2. love and relationship with my partner as we spent time in Germany, Dubai, India, Kenya, and Portugal.

3. food, cooking, eating, tasting; untold amounts of dosa, chaat, shredded cheese, fried sandwiches and crispy things; many days started with masala chai; happy to discover uji power

4. childhood, family, reconnecting

5. bureaucracy, admin, visas, stress

---

I'm immensely grateful to have found a sense of place again with my projects. My questions from last year have answers, and something is emerging, not sure what.

I find myself deeply in the zone.

Most days, all I want to do is get back to it.

It's abundantly satisfying even if I'm the only person I know that might consider it relevant.

Focus, reps, optimistic vortex, strong signal, ripple effects.

Just keep going, keep building.

I understand my technology toolset at a level higher than I've ever known; I no longer fear the docs, and it gives me greater control over my materials.

Looking ahead, I just want to put my head down and make progress. Let's see next year where it takes us.

---

All yearly reflections: 33, 34, 35, 36, 37.

For my thirty-seventh year, I wanted to write a shorter annual reflection, so here are some important layers since last year, followed by something I'm currently sitting with that feels profound to me.

---

1. affirming experiences, celebrating myself, from scrolling to strolling.

2. love and relationship with my partner as we spent time in Germany, Dubai, India, Kenya, and Portugal.

3. food, cooking, eating, tasting; untold amounts of dosa, chaat, shredded cheese, fried sandwiches and crispy things; many days started with masala chai; happy to discover uji power

4. childhood, family, reconnecting

5. bureaucracy, admin, visas, stress

---

I'm immensely grateful to have found a sense of place again with my projects. My questions from last year have answers, and something is emerging, not sure what.

I find myself deeply in the zone.

Most days, all I want to do is get back to it.

It's abundantly satisfying even if I'm the only person I know that might consider it relevant.

Focus, reps, optimistic vortex, strong signal, ripple effects.

Just keep going, keep building.

I understand my technology toolset at a level higher than I've ever known; I no longer fear the docs, and it gives me greater control over my materials.

Looking ahead, I just want to put my head down and make progress. Let's see next year where it takes us.

---

All yearly reflections: 33, 34, 35, 36, 37.

My birthday reflection this year is a kind of online update since I've been more offline the last while. I'm currently not so clear-minded, somewhat fatigued, with less to say even though a lot happened. But I'm here, and happy to share this.

waves of loss

My father's passing shuffled around many things beyond what I could have expected, and I'm still trying to make sense of this new life. I learned that when a loved one passes away, your old life dies with them and things never 'get back to normal' at some point. Life and death somehow feels a needle apart, which has shifted my priorities, and so I find myself with even less attention to the unnecessary, travelling lighter. At the same time, feeling fortunate to be alive and make the most of it with who or what nourishes me.

movement

I gave myself the gift of training capoeira some weeks in London with a group and master I've been following the past two years. Life-changing by my standards, but not sure how to describe it other than new sensations of what is possible and a vibe that I'll probably carry with me everywhere. Well, at the least it makes me want to dance.

my own food

Although I'm grateful for what seems like years where food just happened around me, it's so satisfying to cook again. Preparing meals while travelling has always been a challenge and I've gotten more practice this year than ever. One thing I'm grateful for is my friend Nairouz demystifying stir-fry to me, as I've enjoyed making it a few times now.

more questions than answers

The past year seems to have been characterized by much uncertainty about the future and what makes sense for me to do.

I passed many periods overwhelmed by my perception of bad things happening in the world, and although I have my own ways to cope, I would invite anyone reading this to share with me: what helps you? I often come back to doing what feels meaningful, even if it's not sufficient. Seems hard to estimate what the world will be like in even five years.

With respect to the technology threads I've been cultivating in previous years, I'm not sure where to place myself considering how the landscape is changing. Conversations and music feel more obvious, as their significance will likely not change in the future. It's interesting to consider what technical things will remain constant… I don't know, but I want to feel like I'm working with a strong sense of purpose.

Perhaps, as someone recently said to me: everything we do matters.

---

All yearly reflections: 33, 34, 35, 36.

My birthday reflection this year is a kind of online update since I've been more offline the last while. I'm currently not so clear-minded, somewhat fatigued, with less to say even though a lot happened. But I'm here, and happy to share this.

waves of loss

My father's passing shuffled around many things beyond what I could have expected, and I'm still trying to make sense of this new life. I learned that when a loved one passes away, your old life dies with them and things never 'get back to normal' at some point. Life and death somehow feels a needle apart, which has shifted my priorities, and so I find myself with even less attention to the unnecessary, travelling lighter. At the same time, feeling fortunate to be alive and make the most of it with who or what nourishes me.

movement

I gave myself the gift of training capoeira some weeks in London with a group and master I've been following the past two years. Life-changing by my standards, but not sure how to describe it other than new sensations of what is possible and a vibe that I'll probably carry with me everywhere. Well, at the least it makes me want to dance.

my own food

Although I'm grateful for what seems like years where food just happened around me, it's so satisfying to cook again. Preparing meals while travelling has always been a challenge and I've gotten more practice this year than ever. One thing I'm grateful for is my friend Nairouz demystifying stir-fry to me, as I've enjoyed making it a few times now.

more questions than answers

The past year seems to have been characterized by much uncertainty about the future and what makes sense for me to do.

I passed many periods overwhelmed by my perception of bad things happening in the world, and although I have my own ways to cope, I would invite anyone reading this to share with me: what helps you? I often come back to doing what feels meaningful, even if it's not sufficient. Seems hard to estimate what the world will be like in even five years.

With respect to the technology threads I've been cultivating in previous years, I'm not sure where to place myself considering how the landscape is changing. Conversations and music feel more obvious, as their significance will likely not change in the future. It's interesting to consider what technical things will remain constant… I don't know, but I want to feel like I'm working with a strong sense of purpose.

Perhaps, as someone recently said to me: everything we do matters.

---

All yearly reflections: 33, 34, 35, 36.

Without looking at my previous birthday reflections, I ask myself this year "why do this? and should I do this?", mostly for my own clarity. Today, I justify it as "helping understand what makes each year special"; "sketching out the shape of my experiences"; "documenting important changes or directions"; "having perspective to see a bigger picture"; and "reminding me of things I would like to remember". I also question to be more mindful when I copy patterns from other people, but my reasons today seem worthwhile and relevant. So I continue…

Duos and trios

Most of the last year was spent in a way I'm not so experienced with: 'life together'.

This goes beyond sharing a home with roommates, where, in my experience, days are mostly spent individualized from one another. I've done plenty of that. This is integrating plans, meals, work, conversations, life—everything, every day, for months at a time. In the various permutations of life with my partner, father, or both, I have learned so much about negotiating boundaries, expressing my needs, taking care (of myself and others), and travelling with people (rather than solo). It's year zero of a long journey towards being together fluidly; Holger said to me that "travelling solo is one thing, travelling with a partner is another thing, and travelling with kids is yet another thing;" well, now I've tried two of those things and can see why they're different…

My biggest challenge was making space for myself while the surrounding environment changed constantly and forced adaptation, as I default to being present for others and losing myself in the process. Although from the outside it may have seemed that I continue to get things done and publish stuff now and then, it was rough for me to not feel like I've made deep progress on projects for over half a year. I've come to terms with making my choices, 'going with it', and being satisfied with where I went—no regrets, it's a part of my process, and I feel richer for it. Perhaps I should also not consider life separate from my projects, since they likely make each other possible. My wise elder friend Yves taught me to be more intentional about prioritizing myself while together, that it doesn't happen automatically and takes deliberate effort (which can be as simple as asking each other "what do you want to do today"); I'm getting better at that going forward.

Music

I really stepped into singing while playing guitar, releasing seeds to share songs I enjoy, and writing Teddy Bear to recollect moments with my partner; one might notice a ritual of recording when leaving places I've inhabited for a while. This is not something I would have expected even a few years ago, as I was always more interested in the materials of music than text or lyrics, but songs with words are becoming a way to synthesize my experiences of travelling, languages, and the people I meet.

The biggest surprise was how Orazio's beautiful studio totally resuscitated my piano playing after years of inactivity. I really thought I would never return, but was pleasantly surprised that reflexes developed through guitar were helping me control my nerves while playing piano, enabling me to enjoy it in a way I had perhaps never done; I recorded a short excerpt of one of my favourite pieces (a Prokofiev sonata) to document this, and spent the summer in Toronto doing more. I believe we don't really forget things, but didn't expect that it could apply to my capacities with this instrument.

Connection

I'm also learning to step into connection with friends and family, understanding it as one of my powers and something I'm uniquely positioned to cultivate (because of my mother's gift and the million memories I've made meeting people throughout my life). It's nice to be an example of visiting somewhere for no reason other than to meet people I know and want to connect with. When it happens, everyone seems to be grateful without necessarily being able to articulate why—I guess it simply feels good, and I'm glad my presence can evoke that in other people.

After years of abstaining from Instagram, Nibras sold me on the ephemeral stories feature, and I now find myself using it there or in other messaging apps; helpful for non-intrusively keeping up with what my friends are doing and activating the serendipity network, especially as I know people across so many time zones where correspondence can be less than fluid.

I have a hunch that doing all of this will create some important future life possibilities (perhaps even in the next year) that I can't yet articulate or predict, but it's tangible at the moment somehow.

Inner strength

My posture is often less worried or fearful, more present. Bold, unapologetic, feeling like I can handle things unfazed, not waiting for validation. Utterly satisfied to sit with myself and breathe, keeping my head empty. Sleeping has historically been a challenge, but I'm closer to doing it when I want, sometimes almost hallucinating on demand.

The experiences leading to selling morality were some of the most turbulent in my life, but gave me a gaze that can cut through steel.

I'm grateful for the supreme reinforcements from my conversations with Kaixi and Nibras, who impressed upon me (whether consciously or not) that my spirit should burn brighter wherever I am. Haider probably thought it was cute to write "his eminence Rosano" on this airport welcome sign (blurrily captured on iPhone), but it's a special moment that energizes me.

Tech

Feels like I didn't do much with code, but did get comfortable with low-code automation and some skills that could save me or other people from tedious computer work; I imagine drawing a circle around what someone needs technologically and being able to create helpful solutions across the dimensions of servers, browser interfaces, shells, and APIs; nice to have, I guess…

Sharesnip was the only app thing I released, and might be the first of practical use to several artist friends (they appreciate a QR code generator without distractions).

Everyone told me they had read my text on making apps free. Reef seems to have followed suit with his newsletter. Let's have more?

Travel

Spending four months travelling around Southeast Asia with Heddi was wild. We both especially loved our countless food adventures in Chiang Mai and even tried learning some Thai. I was super inspired by how she improvises nourishing and creative food, quickly makes a home for herself in new places, and gets done her client work, all while travelling, something I've never felt able to accomplish but working towards now while 'strolling across America'.

I learned that I can sleep a night comfortably on a carpeted floor, and even on a yoga mat, which significantly expands the 'surface area' of places I can visit.

Looking forward to time in Brazil soon, and maybe India later, with no idea what to expect.

Conclusion

In fifteen years, I'll be fifty. A stranger told me life that goes by quickly, so make sure you have something to support yourself with later—I keep failing to take this advice, but hope to continue doing my life anyway.

From here I wonder for how long I will be surprised at what is possible for myself?

---

All yearly reflections: 32, 33, 34

Without looking at my previous birthday reflections, I ask myself this year "why do this? and should I do this?", mostly for my own clarity. Today, I justify it as "helping understand what makes each year special"; "sketching out the shape of my experiences"; "documenting important changes or directions"; "having perspective to see a bigger picture"; and "reminding me of things I would like to remember". I also question to be more mindful when I copy patterns from other people, but my reasons today seem worthwhile and relevant. So I continue…

Duos and trios

Most of the last year was spent in a way I'm not so experienced with: 'life together'.

This goes beyond sharing a home with roommates, where, in my experience, days are mostly spent individualized from one another. I've done plenty of that. This is integrating plans, meals, work, conversations, life—everything, every day, for months at a time. In the various permutations of life with my partner, father, or both, I have learned so much about negotiating boundaries, expressing my needs, taking care (of myself and others), and travelling with people (rather than solo). It's year zero of a long journey towards being together fluidly; Holger said to me that "travelling solo is one thing, travelling with a partner is another thing, and travelling with kids is yet another thing;" well, now I've tried two of those things and can see why they're different…

My biggest challenge was making space for myself while the surrounding environment changed constantly and forced adaptation, as I default to being present for others and losing myself in the process. Although from the outside it may have seemed that I continue to get things done and publish stuff now and then, it was rough for me to not feel like I've made deep progress on projects for over half a year. I've come to terms with making my choices, 'going with it', and being satisfied with where I went—no regrets, it's a part of my process, and I feel richer for it. Perhaps I should also not consider life separate from my projects, since they likely make each other possible. My wise elder friend Yves taught me to be more intentional about prioritizing myself while together, that it doesn't happen automatically and takes deliberate effort (which can be as simple as asking each other "what do you want to do today"); I'm getting better at that going forward.

Music

I really stepped into singing while playing guitar, releasing seeds to share songs I enjoy, and writing Teddy Bear to recollect moments with my partner; one might notice a ritual of recording when leaving places I've inhabited for a while. This is not something I would have expected even a few years ago, as I was always more interested in the materials of music than text or lyrics, but songs with words are becoming a way to synthesize my experiences of travelling, languages, and the people I meet.

The biggest surprise was how Orazio's beautiful studio totally resuscitated my piano playing after years of inactivity. I really thought I would never return, but was pleasantly surprised that reflexes developed through guitar were helping me control my nerves while playing piano, enabling me to enjoy it in a way I had perhaps never done; I recorded a short excerpt of one of my favourite pieces (a Prokofiev sonata) to document this, and spent the summer in Toronto doing more. I believe we don't really forget things, but didn't expect that it could apply to my capacities with this instrument.

Connection

I'm also learning to step into connection with friends and family, understanding it as one of my powers and something I'm uniquely positioned to cultivate (because of my mother's gift and the million memories I've made meeting people throughout my life). It's nice to be an example of visiting somewhere for no reason other than to meet people I know and want to connect with. When it happens, everyone seems to be grateful without necessarily being able to articulate why—I guess it simply feels good, and I'm glad my presence can evoke that in other people.

After years of abstaining from Instagram, Nibras sold me on the ephemeral stories feature, and I now find myself using it there or in other messaging apps; helpful for non-intrusively keeping up with what my friends are doing and activating the serendipity network, especially as I know people across so many time zones where correspondence can be less than fluid.

I have a hunch that doing all of this will create some important future life possibilities (perhaps even in the next year) that I can't yet articulate or predict, but it's tangible at the moment somehow.

Inner strength

My posture is often less worried or fearful, more present. Bold, unapologetic, feeling like I can handle things unfazed, not waiting for validation. Utterly satisfied to sit with myself and breathe, keeping my head empty. Sleeping has historically been a challenge, but I'm closer to doing it when I want, sometimes almost hallucinating on demand.

The experiences leading to selling morality were some of the most turbulent in my life, but gave me a gaze that can cut through steel.

I'm grateful for the supreme reinforcements from my conversations with Kaixi and Nibras, who impressed upon me (whether consciously or not) that my spirit should burn brighter wherever I am. Haider probably thought it was cute to write "his eminence Rosano" on this airport welcome sign (blurrily captured on iPhone), but it's a special moment that energizes me.

Tech

Feels like I didn't do much with code, but did get comfortable with low-code automation and some skills that could save me or other people from tedious computer work; I imagine drawing a circle around what someone needs technologically and being able to create helpful solutions across the dimensions of servers, browser interfaces, shells, and APIs; nice to have, I guess…

Sharesnip was the only app thing I released, and might be the first of practical use to several artist friends (they appreciate a QR code generator without distractions).

Everyone told me they had read my text on making apps free. Reef seems to have followed suit with his newsletter. Let's have more?

Travel

Spending four months travelling around Southeast Asia with Heddi was wild. We both especially loved our countless food adventures in Chiang Mai and even tried learning some Thai. I was super inspired by how she improvises nourishing and creative food, quickly makes a home for herself in new places, and gets done her client work, all while travelling, something I've never felt able to accomplish but working towards now while 'strolling across America'.

I learned that I can sleep a night comfortably on a carpeted floor, and even on a yoga mat, which significantly expands the 'surface area' of places I can visit.

Looking forward to time in Brazil soon, and maybe India later, with no idea what to expect.

Conclusion

In fifteen years, I'll be fifty. A stranger told me life that goes by quickly, so make sure you have something to support yourself with later—I keep failing to take this advice, but hope to continue doing my life anyway.

From here I wonder for how long I will be surprised at what is possible for myself?

---

All yearly reflections: 32, 33, 34

I thought it would be easy to start a 'yearly tradition' at thirty-three, but I've changed more since then than in previous years. Now at thirty-four I'm questioning whether it makes sense to write this—maybe I'm too offline—yet erring to do it anyway and maybe not publish later. So then, what's special about this year?

Since coming to Berlin in March 2022 to do a creative residency with moos.garden, it seems like I've become another version of myself. My naive plan was to be there for a month and then do something unrelated next: I ended up staying three months, getting another visa, travelling solo in Germany while connecting with people around the country, and witnessing life unfold with less effort than ever. It's been exhilarating so far and I'm still not sure where it's heading.

Through building a stronger relationship with my father, there were many discoveries: feeling better equipped to ask for and accept help; noticing how I can care for others; gratitude for the ability to simply be myself with a parent, as this is not always the case. Our beautiful meetup in Europe taught me that it's possible for people to see things in a new way even as they get older, and that sometimes a little encouragement can be life-changing. More profoundly, I discovered how much positivity I can cultivate in others just by being sincere and empowering them to do the same.

As someone who was basically sedentary for three decades, I never thought movement would become a principal activity in my life. I'm currently training several days a week of Capoeira, which is a mix of music, dance, acrobatics, and martial arts; I started it for fitness and as a portal to Brazilian culture, but it's becoming something that I'll take with me wherever I go, even if I stop training. As a complement, I also started taking weekly classes for breakdancing, which probably has origins in or shares movements with Capoeira; although unthinkable for me a few years ago, I'm enjoying it and even starting to feel comfortable improvising with this language of moves.

In contrast to my usual octopus approach of having many simultaneous projects, I mostly focused on the Strolling podcast and meeting people to converse and see what comes from those experiences. It's been interesting to notice how strangely compelling it is for me and other people to enjoy the pureness of a friendly exchange; I'm unaware of a way to summon this magical quality on command, but I work towards it in each conversation. I'm also not used to hearing so many people comment nicely about my voice, but this had a similar impact to me calling myself a writer last year—not that I identify as a speaker or talker now, but it's something about myself that I acknowledge and step into more deliberately: an important milestone here was my first solo video where I just talk into the camera for a few minutes.

I might say I've struggled with romance for most of my life as I tend to live outside most of the societal norms that would help me meet and sustain deeper relationships with people. So what a pleasure it is to now feel deeply connected, loved, appreciated, seen, understood by someone who is also a creative peer bursting with ideas for fun, business, and life. I never thought it could be so effortless to spend time together with a person who often has a very different approach to things than I do. It's a bit new and slightly intimidating for me to imagine, but I'm looking forward to seeing how this evolves.

This birthday was 'celebrated' with a concert of music about Capoeira from one of my favourite albums ever. Might also be a nice yearly tradition and a reminder to myself that organizing events is a joy and in my blood. Hope you enjoy the music.

---

All birthday posts: 33, 34

I thought it would be easy to start a 'yearly tradition' at thirty-three, but I've changed more since then than in previous years. Now at thirty-four I'm questioning whether it makes sense to write this—maybe I'm too offline—yet erring to do it anyway and maybe not publish later. So then, what's special about this year?

Since coming to Berlin in March 2022 to do a creative residency with moos.garden, it seems like I've become another version of myself. My naive plan was to be there for a month and then do something unrelated next: I ended up staying three months, getting another visa, travelling solo in Germany while connecting with people around the country, and witnessing life unfold with less effort than ever. It's been exhilarating so far and I'm still not sure where it's heading.

Through building a stronger relationship with my father, there were many discoveries: feeling better equipped to ask for and accept help; noticing how I can care for others; gratitude for the ability to simply be myself with a parent, as this is not always the case. Our beautiful meetup in Europe taught me that it's possible for people to see things in a new way even as they get older, and that sometimes a little encouragement can be life-changing. More profoundly, I discovered how much positivity I can cultivate in others just by being sincere and empowering them to do the same.

As someone who was basically sedentary for three decades, I never thought movement would become a principal activity in my life. I'm currently training several days a week of Capoeira, which is a mix of music, dance, acrobatics, and martial arts; I started it for fitness and as a portal to Brazilian culture, but it's becoming something that I'll take with me wherever I go, even if I stop training. As a complement, I also started taking weekly classes for breakdancing, which probably has origins in or shares movements with Capoeira; although unthinkable for me a few years ago, I'm enjoying it and even starting to feel comfortable improvising with this language of moves.

In contrast to my usual octopus approach of having many simultaneous projects, I mostly focused on the Strolling podcast and meeting people to converse and see what comes from those experiences. It's been interesting to notice how strangely compelling it is for me and other people to enjoy the pureness of a friendly exchange; I'm unaware of a way to summon this magical quality on command, but I work towards it in each conversation. I'm also not used to hearing so many people comment nicely about my voice, but this had a similar impact to me calling myself a writer last year—not that I identify as a speaker or talker now, but it's something about myself that I acknowledge and step into more deliberately: an important milestone here was my first solo video where I just talk into the camera for a few minutes.

I might say I've struggled with romance for most of my life as I tend to live outside most of the societal norms that would help me meet and sustain deeper relationships with people. So what a pleasure it is to now feel deeply connected, loved, appreciated, seen, understood by someone who is also a creative peer bursting with ideas for fun, business, and life. I never thought it could be so effortless to spend time together with a person who often has a very different approach to things than I do. It's a bit new and slightly intimidating for me to imagine, but I'm looking forward to seeing how this evolves.

This birthday was 'celebrated' with a concert of music about Capoeira from one of my favourite albums ever. Might also be a nice yearly tradition and a reminder to myself that organizing events is a joy and in my blood. Hope you enjoy the music.

---

All birthday posts: 33, 34

I have thirty-three years today and feel inspired by Matt Mullenweg's "birthday posts" to start an annual reflection. As an alternative to end-of-year recaps where tons of people write and publish simultaneously, I think it would be interesting to collectively spread out these musings over the course of a year to 'balance the load', create more serendipity, and give friends opportunities to connect and be thoughtful.

To my fortune, almost every year I notice a feeling of being 'at the edge of myself'—not having anticipated to be where I am, not knowing what the future holds—and yet looking forward to jumping head first into tomorrow. As much as it feels challenging sometimes, I continue to be grateful for having a chance to pursue this path and wouldn't trade it for anything. But what's special about this year?

One thread is a feeling of more openness to people and possibilities. In the last year, I've shed a lot of psychological baggage so that I can travel lighter and have more space (for you, and us). Doing therapy regularly has helped me understand myself better and be more conscious of my internal mechanisms. I feel more mellow, relaxed, chill. I feel more capable of engaging with people I disagree with, ready to build social bridges.

It has historically been hard for me to connect with my body, given how much time I spend thinking, planning, structuring, whether in the mind, at the computer, or while doing almost anything else, and this is on top of a societal pressure that tends to view people as 'walking brains'. Recently, I've taken Pat Metheny's musical advice about 'practising until it's more natural to do it than not do it' and applied it to deep breathing. It's no longer a ceremony to mentally engage with but something that I train my muscles to remember—I find myself doing it at scattered moments throughout the day, a few seconds here and there, and it makes my body feel more accessible, less ethereal.

Musically, I was surprised to find myself playing and singing guitar in front of people. It was small but this was an incredibly significant performance for me, as I managed to enjoy being a musician for the first time in years. I feel unlocked to explore music in a totally different way, inchoate, without being too concerned with Mr. Music Institution's disapproving finger wag.

This was the year I started calling myself a writer. I probably wrote and published more text in the last year than in my entire life. Writing has clearly become for me the way I process my experience: it's through documenting my thoughts that I understand what I think, and it's the medium that feels most malleable and expressive. I enjoy finding interesting ways to phrase things, sharing stories, crystallizing a perspective, feeding my inner language nerd… I've always avoided writing on a set schedule for fear of drafting something superficially, but I have so many motivating prompts that I would like to give regular publishing a try, at least for a while.

The final change I would draw attention to is that after years, maybe decades, of going alone on most things, I'm finally taking steps towards going together. It's still at the beginning stages but I'm managing two forums for group discussion, hosting multiple monthly events, and organizing a salon on apps with my first co-host. It was hard to imagine myself breaking out of individualist patterns, but I can start to see some cracks now.

All this feels like being in the midst of abundant possibility: the past year of constantly planting seeds has yielded new fruits. The list of things that came into existence includes my funding system, Zero Data, friendship with Fission, Emoji Log, Joybox, The Café, Ephemerata, Easy Indie App, and various Interintellect salons. I still feel fertile with creative potential. I'm meeting more new people than usual, making new friends. I always wanted to have a 'show' interviewing people, and this might emerge soon as a podcast. I'm looking forward to travelling again, returning to Brazil someday. Even with few certainties, I think everything's going to be fine.

Thanks for reading and being here. I hope this was a nice surprise for you. Today was pretty sunny, so I'm reflecting some rays your way.

---

All birthday posts: 33, 34

I have thirty-three years today and feel inspired by Matt Mullenweg's "birthday posts" to start an annual reflection. As an alternative to end-of-year recaps where tons of people write and publish simultaneously, I think it would be interesting to collectively spread out these musings over the course of a year to 'balance the load', create more serendipity, and give friends opportunities to connect and be thoughtful.

To my fortune, almost every year I notice a feeling of being 'at the edge of myself'—not having anticipated to be where I am, not knowing what the future holds—and yet looking forward to jumping head first into tomorrow. As much as it feels challenging sometimes, I continue to be grateful for having a chance to pursue this path and wouldn't trade it for anything. But what's special about this year?

One thread is a feeling of more openness to people and possibilities. In the last year, I've shed a lot of psychological baggage so that I can travel lighter and have more space (for you, and us). Doing therapy regularly has helped me understand myself better and be more conscious of my internal mechanisms. I feel more mellow, relaxed, chill. I feel more capable of engaging with people I disagree with, ready to build social bridges.

It has historically been hard for me to connect with my body, given how much time I spend thinking, planning, structuring, whether in the mind, at the computer, or while doing almost anything else, and this is on top of a societal pressure that tends to view people as 'walking brains'. Recently, I've taken Pat Metheny's musical advice about 'practising until it's more natural to do it than not do it' and applied it to deep breathing. It's no longer a ceremony to mentally engage with but something that I train my muscles to remember—I find myself doing it at scattered moments throughout the day, a few seconds here and there, and it makes my body feel more accessible, less ethereal.

Musically, I was surprised to find myself playing and singing guitar in front of people. It was small but this was an incredibly significant performance for me, as I managed to enjoy being a musician for the first time in years. I feel unlocked to explore music in a totally different way, inchoate, without being too concerned with Mr. Music Institution's disapproving finger wag.

This was the year I started calling myself a writer. I probably wrote and published more text in the last year than in my entire life. Writing has clearly become for me the way I process my experience: it's through documenting my thoughts that I understand what I think, and it's the medium that feels most malleable and expressive. I enjoy finding interesting ways to phrase things, sharing stories, crystallizing a perspective, feeding my inner language nerd… I've always avoided writing on a set schedule for fear of drafting something superficially, but I have so many motivating prompts that I would like to give regular publishing a try, at least for a while.

The final change I would draw attention to is that after years, maybe decades, of going alone on most things, I'm finally taking steps towards going together. It's still at the beginning stages but I'm managing two forums for group discussion, hosting multiple monthly events, and organizing a salon on apps with my first co-host. It was hard to imagine myself breaking out of individualist patterns, but I can start to see some cracks now.

All this feels like being in the midst of abundant possibility: the past year of constantly planting seeds has yielded new fruits. The list of things that came into existence includes my funding system, Zero Data, friendship with Fission, Emoji Log, Joybox, The Café, Ephemerata, Easy Indie App, and various Interintellect salons. I still feel fertile with creative potential. I'm meeting more new people than usual, making new friends. I always wanted to have a 'show' interviewing people, and this might emerge soon as a podcast. I'm looking forward to travelling again, returning to Brazil someday. Even with few certainties, I think everything's going to be fine.

Thanks for reading and being here. I hope this was a nice surprise for you. Today was pretty sunny, so I'm reflecting some rays your way.

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All birthday posts: 33, 34