[Emotionally immature people can push humor on others as opposed engaging in it to strengthen bonds.]

[Too much sarcasm can mean a closed person who fears connection.]

[Parents may be able to relax and tolerate more openness when they sense you seem strong and no longer need to win their attention or approval.]

[It's like they have a phobia of snakes and your openness and emotional connectivity are a bucket of slithery snakes.]

[Settle into a detached observational state by counting your breaths slowly, or tensing and relaxing your muscles in sequence.]

[Instead of associating them with a binary state, observe as a scientist: what words describe their facial expression? what is their body language communicating? does their voice sound calm or tense? how do they respond when you try to relate? what do you feel?]

[Getting emotional is a sign that your healing fantasy has been activated. The feeling of distress and weakness is a signal to shift into observation mode: repeat to yourself 'detach, detach, detach' and try to find the exact words to describe the experience, which can be what they're doing or how you're feeling.]

[Relatedness has no objective of a satisfying emotional exchange.]

[Internalizers don't act out their emotions immediately and instead let them foster and intensify.]

[The idea that one day they will change is a healing fantasy, created by a child's mind and not adapted to adult reality.]

[The child of emotionally immature parent creates a role-self that transforms into what the parent wants them to be.]

[The role-self has no energy of its own and needs to steal from true self. It is insecure because it's made-up and afraid of being revealed as an imposter.]

[Healing fantasy of people being there for me. Role-self of being available.]

[Anger is a normal response to abandonment, and we can experience it even when feeling unseen or unheard.]

[Enmeshment is different from emotional intimacy. The former implies fulfilling roles that re-inforce dependency whereas the latter implies building trust through getting to know each other and mutual acceptance.]

[Parental rejection can result in the child lacking confidence that others can be interested in them. Instead of asking for what they want, they avoid interacting out kf fear to burden someone else.]

[The need and desire for deep connection is not merely human, but genetic, coming from evolutionary imperative to be part of the group for survival.]

[Dismissively saying that one didn't mean it is a way to egocentrically focus on the intention as opposed to the negative impact of bad actions.]

[Not knowing who you are or being given space to explore it is like having puzzle pieces that don't fit together, which results in inconsistency.]

[Inconsistency can maladaptively bond the parent and child because the once in a while there is a reward.]

[With a mature parent, the child simply goes to the parent for affectionate connection. If the parent is afraid of deep connection, the child might feel uneasy or shameful.]

[Emotional intimacy exists when the other person seeks to know you moreso than to judge you.]