no matter how platforms may persuade us otherwise, there is no 'undo send' or 'delete message' in human communication, we can only add context to what has been expressed

[Arguments are an indication of something important, not necessarily bad. It's normal for them to come back like weeds. Not dealing with them to 'avoid rocking the boat' can create anxiousness underlying everything.]

[Try to determine whether it's about being true, meaningful, or useful.]

[Recaps can help ease tension contours after intense learning.]

[If you teach well, people might pay you to help them with things you're skilled at, even without expertise.]

[Putting people in a group or course would yield better outcomes when they have been vetted to have similar needs that can be addressed by your offering. The transactional 'buy and enroll' misses this opportunity.]

[Living documentation that everyone can access. Many people have talked about doing it, but you actually do it in a relational way. Nice reminder of the beauty created through that process. No logic or reason behind it, other than connection, recognizing that something cool is happening and doing it.]

Poorly dressed in other folks' old clothes, with a dog and a noisy borrowed bicycle, I'd see half the eyes in the room wish they hadn't come the moment they realised that it was me giving the workshop. 'this is the guy?!'. Some would quickly look away as if to hide the way their faces openly displayed their shock. I quickly learnt to play off of that, and to enjoy it too; it was the first tension contour to resolve! Knowing that I would resolve that tension, I could enjoy it, a little like sitting in front of a big cake you know you are about to eat, and waiting a little!

[Problematic learners can become observers. Problematic rapports in one-on-one might work out better in a worokshop setting, or in an audio course. Terminating a relationship with the student can still maintain their engagement with the method.]

[Bear with difficult learners as long as they help illuminate deficiencies in your method. Try to convince them to play ball, but ultimately leave the choice with them.]

[Explaining etymology can help mask repetition.]

not a tree shaker but a forest shaker

Without looking at my previous birthday reflections, I ask myself this year "why do this? and should I do this?", mostly for my own clarity. Today, I justify it as "helping understand what makes each year special"; "sketching out the shape of my experiences"; "documenting important changes or directions"; "having perspective to see a bigger picture"; and "reminding me of things I would like to remember". I also question to be more mindful when I copy patterns from other people, but my reasons today seem worthwhile and relevant. So I continue…

Duos and trios

Most of the last year was spent in a way I'm not so experienced with: 'life together'.

This goes beyond sharing a home with roommates, where, in my experience, days are mostly spent individualized from one another. I've done plenty of that. This is integrating plans, meals, work, conversations, life—everything, every day, for months at a time. In the various permutations of life with my partner, father, or both, I have learned so much about negotiating boundaries, expressing my needs, taking care (of myself and others), and travelling with people (rather than solo). It's year zero of a long journey towards being together fluidly; Holger said to me that "travelling solo is one thing, travelling with a partner is another thing, and travelling with kids is yet another thing;" well, now I've tried two of those things and can see why they're different…

My biggest challenge was making space for myself while the surrounding environment changed constantly and forced adaptation, as I default to being present for others and losing myself in the process. Although from the outside it may have seemed that I continue to get things done and publish stuff now and then, it was rough for me to not feel like I've made deep progress on projects for over half a year. I've come to terms with making my choices, 'going with it', and being satisfied with where I went—no regrets, it's a part of my process, and I feel richer for it. Perhaps I should also not consider life separate from my projects, since they likely make each other possible. My wise elder friend Yves taught me to be more intentional about prioritizing myself while together, that it doesn't happen automatically and takes deliberate effort (which can be as simple as asking each other "what do you want to do today"); I'm getting better at that going forward.

Music

I really stepped into singing while playing guitar, releasing seeds to share songs I enjoy, and writing Teddy Bear to recollect moments with my partner; one might notice a ritual of recording when leaving places I've inhabited for a while. This is not something I would have expected even a few years ago, as I was always more interested in the materials of music than text or lyrics, but songs with words are becoming a way to synthesize my experiences of travelling, languages, and the people I meet.

The biggest surprise was how Orazio's beautiful studio totally resuscitated my piano playing after years of inactivity. I really thought I would never return, but was pleasantly surprised that reflexes developed through guitar were helping me control my nerves while playing piano, enabling me to enjoy it in a way I had perhaps never done; I recorded a short excerpt of one of my favourite pieces (a Prokofiev sonata) to document this, and spent the summer in Toronto doing more. I believe we don't really forget things, but didn't expect that it could apply to my capacities with this instrument.

Connection

I'm also learning to step into connection with friends and family, understanding it as one of my powers and something I'm uniquely positioned to cultivate (because of my mother's gift and the million memories I've made meeting people throughout my life). It's nice to be an example of visiting somewhere for no reason other than to meet people I know and want to connect with. When it happens, everyone seems to be grateful without necessarily being able to articulate why—I guess it simply feels good, and I'm glad my presence can evoke that in other people.

After years of abstaining from Instagram, Nibras sold me on the ephemeral stories feature, and I now find myself using it there or in other messaging apps; helpful for non-intrusively keeping up with what my friends are doing and activating the serendipity network, especially as I know people across so many time zones where correspondence can be less than fluid.

I have a hunch that doing all of this will create some important future life possibilities (perhaps even in the next year) that I can't yet articulate or predict, but it's tangible at the moment somehow.

Inner strength

My posture is often less worried or fearful, more present. Bold, unapologetic, feeling like I can handle things unfazed, not waiting for validation. Utterly satisfied to sit with myself and breathe, keeping my head empty. Sleeping has historically been a challenge, but I'm closer to doing it when I want, sometimes almost hallucinating on demand.

The experiences leading to selling morality were some of the most turbulent in my life, but gave me a gaze that can cut through steel.

I'm grateful for the supreme reinforcements from my conversations with Kaixi and Nibras, who impressed upon me (whether consciously or not) that my spirit should burn brighter wherever I am. Haider probably thought it was cute to write "his eminence Rosano" on this airport welcome sign (blurrily captured on iPhone), but it's a special moment that energizes me.

Tech

Feels like I didn't do much with code, but did get comfortable with low-code automation and some skills that could save me or other people from tedious computer work; I imagine drawing a circle around what someone needs technologically and being able to create helpful solutions across the dimensions of servers, browser interfaces, shells, and APIs; nice to have, I guess…

Sharesnip was the only app thing I released, and might be the first of practical use to several artist friends (they appreciate a QR code generator without distractions).

Everyone told me they had read my text on making apps free. Reef seems to have followed suit with his newsletter. Let's have more?

Travel

Spending four months travelling around Southeast Asia with Heddi was wild. We both especially loved our countless food adventures in Chiang Mai and even tried learning some Thai. I was super inspired by how she improvises nourishing and creative food, quickly makes a home for herself in new places, and gets done her client work, all while travelling, something I've never felt able to accomplish but working towards now while 'strolling across America'.

I learned that I can sleep a night comfortably on a carpeted floor, and even on a yoga mat, which significantly expands the 'surface area' of places I can visit.

Looking forward to time in Brazil soon, and maybe India later, with no idea what to expect.

Conclusion

In fifteen years, I'll be fifty. A stranger told me life that goes by quickly, so make sure you have something to support yourself with later—I keep failing to take this advice, but hope to continue doing my life anyway.

From here I wonder for how long I will be surprised at what is possible for myself?

---

All yearly reflections: 32, 33, 34

[Moving at the speed of trust.]

How can I include a piece of those I've met so that they see themselves in me?

If I can sleep comfortably on a yoga mat, I have significantly expanded the 'surface area' of what's possible.

No side wins when humans suffer; more to 'win' by finding out why are there are sides in the first place.

"Platform data" and "Other" disk usage

Reclaim Docker storage:

docker image prune
# or
docker image prune -a

docker volume prune

How do I free up disk space?

# remove downloaded packages
sudo apt-get clean

# clear package caches that can't be downloaded
sudo apt-get autoclean

# remove unused packages
sudo apt-get autoremove

5 Linux commands to check free disk space

# show disk space in human-readable format
df -h

# show disk usage in human-readable format for all directories and subdirectories
du -h -d 1

Cannot update due to one tiny app filling up 20GB drive

Remove swap storage

sudo swapoff -a
# or
sudo swapoff /apps.swap

# if desired
truncate -s 1G /apps.swap

sudo rm /apps.swap

Jojoba oil

Hydrate skin without blocks.

Critique, The Internet, and You

[Offer critique only when you understand: 1) is it for you?; 2) under what conditions was it created?; 3) who is your audience? 4) what are your goals?. Important not to misalign by simply sharing whether you 'like' it, or by complaining that "your seafood is bad because I don't like seafood".]

The Art of Documentation

[Note the context for when something is relevant so that it can be easily removed when things change.]

[Use git commit messages to document the reasoning behind certain changes.]

So you have to do a layoff.

[Do it only once, not in multiple rounds. Consider salary reductions instead (also only once), accompanied by lower labor expectations. Be very direct without trying to lighten the mood. Management signed up for this.]

[Teaching a language vertically is quickly tedious. Nobody makes a sentence from only prepositions. Better to tie together various concepts to enable creating simple expressions.]

[Teach common words after the necessary knowledge to understand them, not at the beginning.]

To put lots of effort into 'looking' unique versus a deep acceptance that everyone is already differentiated.

As language methods often completely ignore the language of instruction, they tend to have an irritating habit of describing absolutely everything a language does. Learners are often forced to spend too much time trying to make heads or tails of grammatical descriptions provided to them for a new language, without ever realising that the target language functions in the same way as the base language, or indeed realising it when it's too late and the knowledge can do little to spare the learner any effort. What's worse, is that superfluous descriptions run the risk of becoming mental debris that the learner is unsure how to apply. They may lurk in the shadows and raise their ugly heads later on, interfering with other thought processes (often in fascinating ways, mind!).

In short, we don't need to describe everything the target language does, and what should remain unsaid will have much to do with the structure of the language of instruction. To describe certain things in the target language which are indeed the same in the base language (without a particular reason for doing so) would serve to make our learner feel less in control than they would have with less information. We will avoid burdening our learners with irrelevant observations they're not sure what to do with, and in this way we also cue that what we do tell our learners is important.

[We often already know, without realizing that we know.]

When it comes to importing vocabulary, we are almost always using the vocabulary for something other than learning a word. When Complete Spanish opens with -al words, it is not so we can learn legal, normal and metal, but so that we can begin dissecting what vowels sound and look like in Spanish, whilst raising the learner's consciousness of word stress, too. In the same course, when we access verbs through the pattern 'cancelation - cancelar, we do so to highlight the infinitive and its function, to then begin establishing the infinitive as a launchpad for building other tenses. The vocabulary conversion itself is secondary to these goals. Our learner will be taken aback by all the free words, of course, but our own focus as writers is elsewhere!

What are the messages that only I could write? What are the experiences and stories that only I could share? What can be seen only from where I'm standing?

Tumblr CEO Matt Mullenweg on open-sourcing social media

[People say they want to use social media less, but why don't they say they want to blog, or hear music, or make art less?]

In August 2023, I decided to remove all limits from my apps, cancel their active subscription payments, and transition to free and open access. This documents my thought process, why I think the previous model feels misaligned, and what could take its place.

---

Since 2019, I have been experimenting with a fund button integrated into my apps to create direct link between the app experience and people who want to support the project financially. The design seemed logical to me after seeing many lovingly crafted open-source projects poorly funded through other means. Building this custom payment system and various integrations was a technical achievement for me as someone who didn't consider themselves a 'real programmer', but I quickly regretted bringing that level of complexity into my life and cautioned against it whenever asked. Over these years, I was nonetheless happy to have some quite passionate and supportive people work through my maze of a system to send me their money and try something new. Ultimately, the various shortcomings of my own design made it limited, obscure, brittle, and relied on personal data stores that I imagine should be commonplace but aren't yet in the hands of most people. A better solution for me would be more simple and flexible, less transactional.

I was going to replace it with a Ghost membership system, as I'm familiar with it from other projects and have observed less technically inclined people navigate it with no issues, but halfway through creating the experience, I felt the pain of creating custom integrations once again and also the potential burden of having to maintain unofficial code bolted onto another active open-source project. I still amaze myself considering how I can just build this stuff given what I consider a limited background; too bad my snazzy passwordless, one-click login system may never see the light of day…

Trying free

I must have been so excited to present my fund button to the world, building into my first published web app, that I didn't think once about offering apps for 'free'; something was already settled in my thinking that perhaps it wouldn't work or would somehow overwhelm me. Seems worthwhile to at least try, I suppose? I 'owe so much to free' and easily accessible things on the Internet and would feel good contributing back to that pool. Free is also a chance to provide value in the 'give, give, give, then ask' framework I'm experimenting with.

From a maintenance perspective, many things become easier: by just giving it all away, I can remove complexity concerning my payment system to simplify code, interfaces, and my life; feels great to rip out old, unused stuff and chuck it. Maybe I still need to think about business models, but I can forget about access codes, logins, or infrastructure for now.

Socially speaking, I've always had an issue with dividing people into those who pay and those who don't—more on that in a bit—so it's nice to avoid this as well. As long as I'm able to keep myself afloat somehow, it would be great to popularize this approach, remove barriers, optimize projects for sharing and spreading ideas more broadly. Useful that the kind of 'static web apps' I make can basically exist online forever for free (which technologies can you say this for?)—sustainability in this case has less to do with any distribution or publishing cost and more to do with development, maintenance, and my own well-being.

Erroneous assumptions

The biggest learning I've had while thinking about this is becoming aware of patterns that I've been copying (from myself and others) that seem misaligned with how I'd like to do things.

Not business

For about a decade, I was paying my bills via my live music listings project and iPhone apps, which made me comfortable with the language of business, products, sales, and marketing. Until recently, I was thinking "I did those as businesses, hence this should be the same." Business got me to the point I'm at now, enabled me to live a life I enjoy, and can be a way to organize ideas, but doesn't need to be how I approach everything. Just because it carried me in the past doesn't mean it's the right mechanism to express my future visions. I would love to be in a world of abundance where people have what they need, and I may be in enough of a privileged position to present something that reflects this.

I'm starting to think of my projects more like Wikipedia, which is not a business, does not seek to 'choose a niche' or 'deliver value to the customer'—it might even be odd to 'expect' anything of the project. Those who like it make the most out of it; some people contribute content and help steward its collective spaces; some people donate money (hopefully enough to cover costs); there is no 'exclusive content' for those who pay; and free-riding is the point. It's definitely not a transactional space—a large diversity of people can engage with it because not everyone needs to pay, and any contributions take a variety of forms. Perhaps this could be a closer-aligned model for my own projects?

Not creator

It was tempting for me to connect the app world with that of subscriptions and memberships, thinking that 'indie creators selling exclusive content' is mainstream now, therefore I can also simply use that model. But I think I was too fixated on the technical mechanisms behind content-gating, without considering how to foster some kind of community around what I'm building; I learn repeatedly that technology doesn't magically produce social outcomes.

In my process to try this system, I had made a long list of creators I considered 'successful', which meant they were making an amount of money that reflected some kind of momentum around their platform: perhaps receiving $300 or $3000 per month, but not $30. Most of them tended to have some kind of large online following beforehand or were really focused in the scope of their activities. Although neither of those attributes might reflect me at the moment, I thought I could give this a try, at the same time clouding this approach with the idea of 'passive income in my sleep' without too many expectations (more common with people selling products online); this is a recipe for confusion, but dreaming about how everything would work out calmed my scarcity mindset. I realize now that this doesn't make sense for me either.

From a purely financial standpoint, I became convinced that subscriptions don't last forever, based on my own experience and solidified after listening to Lifetime pricing is underrated: there is no infinitely recurring source of income; effort is always required to find new revenue; and subscriptions are scary for a lot of people.

From a parasocial standpoint, I'm not sure if I 'play the part' of being active on social media to cultivate community or doing my thing in response to what other people have expressed. The dynamic of money in an indie creator model feels somewhat awkward to me. I'm lucky to have received money, but it feels like I'm not sure what to do with it. I sense some internal conflict around 'working more' for people who give me smaller amounts versus those who give me larger amounts without expecting anything. Funny that asking or even paying me wouldn't guarantee that I do something anyway, as I tend to make choices based on what my current situation and needs dictate, which someone once described to me as the approach of an artist showing zero consideration for any market or what other people think: "f*** you, here's my music." I'm happy to connect with people in a way that isn't proportionate to their financial contribution, but perhaps that's not 'business'. Also, I never figured out why people gave me money in the first place, or why they stopped. All that to say: I feel weird about how money goes through my projects this way and would prefer to be more intentional about how that happens, so that it feels better for myself and anyone who chooses to support me.

Not exactly

The tricky part of being exposed to so many patterns is understanding that although what I do might appear to conform to certain archetypes (indie hacker, developer, entrepreneur, etc…), it doesn't mean that I am one of those things or that the strategies employed in those contexts make sense here. My approach needs more reflection and calibration to find a model that aligns well.

My big realization about small money

For years, I've expressed my desire to support myself with '1000 people paying me $10 a year', because it seemed to me like a low-stress contribution for many, hopefully inclusive of people for whom the currency doesn't work in their favour, while adding up to a sum that makes a significant impact in my life. I've changed my mind. I learned that these 'small amounts' are simultaneously the wrong signal for people who would be willing to contribute higher amounts, yet still expensive for many people in non-Western countries. So it's better for people who have more to give more, which perhaps means I need to change my approach and messaging with money: to get clarity on what I can offer and what financial contributors receive by supporting me; I haven't figured this part out yet and would welcome any suggestions. I also no longer feel good receiving money if someone has to worry about how to make it work: if someone has to figure out whether they can afford to give me a small yearly amount, then I would prefer that they simply enjoy what I create, and if they want to help me, then they can share my projects with a friend or contribute in non-monetary ways—paying doesn't need to be the only way to feel like a participant in what I do.

Future approaches

So what will my path be in the future? I'm not sure yet specifically. My preference would be simple systems, likely supported by larger amounts of money from fewer people, and manifesting the spirit of the Internet by being open, free, and accessible.

Not charging directly tends to come with concerns like "will my data be sold?", "will it become overrun with ads?", and "will it stick around?". Well, for those specific concerns, I thankfully have zero data to sell, don't like ads, and work on things that can live online for a long time. For the others, I'll have to cross that bridge when I get there.

Thanks to everyone who has supported me thus far. I'll probably find a way to keep doing what I do, but if you'd like to make it easier by supporting me financially, be welcome to do so via a Strolling membership or a public contribution to my Open Collective.

---

I've also written about my experiments in Platform puzzle pieces for sustainable community and about my iOS apps experience in Going fully web.

The Oxymoron of “Data-Driven Innovation”

[What we label 'visionary' from the past was often an effort to center needs of the marginalized. At that time, as the privileged were unserved in ways similar those at the margins, making an app or internet product was an example of 'building those with special needs improves it for everyone'. But it isn't visionary any longer when privileged people do it because they're already marginalized. The 'data-driven' development popular today tends to favour majorities, and thus consistently results in bland, incrementalist ideas not serving the marginalized.]

['Do it for yourself' fell out of fashion because white cis men weren't getting visionary ideas that way. The potential is still there if the doer is a marginalized voice.]

We gotta get over this idea that we're being mensches by handing over our stolen power to unworthy or inexperienced charity cases. No. Marginalized people out-qualify mainstream existing leadership on injecting vision because only their perspectives can deliver a visionary product in an industry already optimized for mainstream perspectives.

What do we do with the Twitter-shaped hole in the internet

[Prefering 'accounts' to 'users' enables people to compensate for shortcomings of the system when organizing their interests.]